Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Fags


By: Tony Heartman

Tornados, volcanoes, swollen rivers!

Death, dismemberment, diaspora!

Recession, depression, military intervention!

BORING!

Fag jokes? Now THAT’S important!


Comedian and self-proclaimed time-traveler Tracy Morgan was performing stand-up comedy in a Tennessee club recently when witnesses say he went on a “tirade” about his fears of his son being gay, and that he would “stab him” if his son were to ever profess his love of cock to him. The unjustly outraged public has mostly reacted with the predictable “our feelings are hurt and someone has to pay” routine. They say that such violent language against a protected group should not be tolerated.

I say I cannot tolerate the false notion that words can magically be violent and that a “group” of people can simultaneously be equal and protected as a special class.

Celebrities and perpetual victim-gurus are tripping over themselves to denounce the funnyman in every social corner. Even fellow stand up veterans like Chris Rock had to back track after initially defending Morgan for fear of awakening some slumbering queer chtulhu. Wanda Sykes, fellow comedian and avowed snatch sniffer shared her outrage on Twitter, “This isn't about comedy. What Tracy said is dangerous. We r(sic) just trying to protect our kids. Peace and love!”

HOW IS THIS NOT ABOUT COMEDY?? HE WAS IN A COMEDY CLUB PERFORMING COMEDY.

And cut it out with the peace and love bullshit, Wanda. Before you came out as a lesbian, you were famous for being an insult comic who once opined that Rush Limbaugh’s kidneys would fail simply for having a political disagreement. That’s some real peace and love right there.

Logical haphazards be damned, the public has demonstrated their virtuous bloodlust and someone has to pay. I’m guessing it will be in the form of a brief suspension from ‘30 Rock’ (until the public forgets) and an awkward The More You Know PSA from Morgan; which, quite honestly, sounds hilarious.What these focus groups and ad execs don’t understand when they appease the angry masses are that taboos change as often as the Qurans in my fireplace during winter months. 

Why is it whenever an oppressed minority of people are given legally equal footing they all of the sudden need to be protected from comedy? It’s okay to poke fun of people, so long as they’re also treated like leper-diarrhea by the majority? 

Embrace the ridicule! You’re equal now! This means you get the benefits of the rest of us ALONG with the shit. 

So what did the aforementioned stand-up comedenegro actually say that caused the nation to have its collective feelings injured beyond repair? “The gays needed to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying,” and if his son were to come out as gay “he better come home and talk to me like a man…or I’ll pull out a knife and stab that little nigga to death.”

Obviously it is hard for most people to laugh at that statement out of context (not for me), but told in a club full of people READY to laugh and it is an entirely different scenario. It’s not as if Tracy burst into a GLAAD meeting yelling this at the top of his lungs with cocaine caked around his nose. He was in a COMEDY club telling JOKES.

There will always be people who insist that laughter can’t exist while there is suffering in the world, and that’s really what this is all about; miserable, lumpy, humorless weaklings who frighten  others into becoming like them.

Sounds like bullying to me.

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